MORE

With the New Year upon us, many begin their ritual of making resolutions hoping to touch on improving some aspect of their life; January, the place for new beginnings. Why January and not some other month on the calendar? What is it that makes us feel a need for a new beginning? Is it the failures from the year prior, a hunger for victory over our failures once and for all? Is it an extension of the search of the human heart, a hope to fill a longing for MORE; a grasp for that which can bring satisfaction? Can the search for happiness be truly found wearing size 4 jeans?

The grass is always greener...

Each January 1st I try NOT to make a resolution, I know myself far too well and the thought of failure doesn't appeal to me. However, this year I see many areas in my life that need tending. Perhaps it is the 50th Birthday that will be awaiting me come fall; the fleeting of life that has me looking hard. So I think to myself, Lord, where do I begin? What needs tending first?


Deep inside there is an uneasiness, a stirring, a familiar restlessness. I vaguely recognize this masked emotion, and dread it's revealing. I've felt it before. It sits in waiting; to be recognized, to be tended to, this garden of weeds. Yes, the thistles have grown tall overnight it seems. What I think of as overnight has actually been a lifetime. I have tended to it before, but thistles have a way of popping up from the tiniest of seeds, conquer one and another grows. It's the condition of the human heart.






What is this place, this cavern full of thistles that has been calling me by name? I search the recesses of my memory and think back to its last few visits. Each time it's appears it whispers something, but what? I listen, I search. Each visit it stirs something within. Each visit it brings a "gift." Yes, I remember now, it brings a new marble.

I hear its seducing voice now:

"What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?"


I don't know. I don't know...

Why is it so important to know what I want?

Is it because there must be MORE? Of course I am blessed. Of course my husband loves me and we have a wonderful family. Of course...



"What do you want?"


I don't know, there's so much out there. I don't know.


"You want..."


A marble rolls by, shiny, a perfect circle in an imperfect world. Peripherally my eyes capture the talon that tosses; I dismiss it for the alluring marble.



The last brush of the wind stirs the thistles, and from the distance I hear "Find what you want, and you will have MORE."


How many visits has brought that question,? What do you want? How many marbles have I chased?



We all chase marbles.

The desire for MORE, it is indeed real. Did not the blind man long to see? Why are mountains conquered, and oceans explored? Why do athletes push themselves beyond their limits, if not to experience life to the fullest? The world calls us by name and says there is MORE; it calls our children, dressed up in a friendly red suit and asks, “What do you want?” Is it any wonder January is a time of “new beginnings, do overs, try again-s?”


Didn't the devil, Satan, offer the world to Jesus if he would merely bow down to him? Of course there is a desire for MORE, even Jesus in his humanness experienced Satan's temptation to fulfill it. In the human heart lies a treasure, a treasure longing to be opened. Only one holds the key.


There it is again. “What do I want?”


I do not know! But I do know I want MORE. I shift in my seat. What is it that my heart longs for? I've chased many marbles and they do not lead me to fulfillment. They do not fill the treasure chest of my soul. My eyes only dart down and my feet chase, but my heart still longs.

I want...


I want to be free of fear. I want to be free to walk through the open doors placed before me without fear; without turning tail and running. I want to live life fully awake. I want to breathe deeply, taking in all of life's aromas. I want to experience more, worry less, and laugh harder. I want to push myself beyond my limits and whine less. I want to love deeper and dance more. I want to sing louder and sleep less. I want to climb higher and run more. I want to play more and work less. I want to see the mysteries around me. I want to unlock the treasure chest and see what lies inside; I want to once again experience the magic of seeing life through the eyes of a child. I want MORE of Life, MORE of God, MORE of his Power. I want MORE


I've said it. Is not the longing for it enough?



Does speaking it truly make a difference?


Can denying its existence quench its thirst? Or will the visitor return to point out the evidence, bringing a new marble?


Can we have MORE?


Jesus was leaving Jericho. A large crowd followed him. Two blind men were sitting by the road. When they heard Jesus was passing by they cried out for him to have mercy on them. The crowd tried to quiet them, but Jesus stopped and called to them asking them what it was they wanted.


What do you want?


Their response was simple. They wanted to see.


Why would Jesus ask them what they wanted?


Surely he knew they were blind. Could it be that deep down inside they too had a garden of weeds? Could it be that in the deep recesses of their hearts they had fear and doubt? Could it be that as awful as it was to be blind, it was all they knew and it was comfortable?

Pain can be comfortable.

It can be safe, even though it can be complete darkness. Could it be that Jesus wanted them to take a step of faith, to voice their choice? Could it be that Jesus ALSO asks us what we want so we too will have to take a stand, to own a decision; to claim faith and let go of fear?

My child, what do you want?


Could it be that the first light of seeing comes when we choose to take a stand of faith over fear? And could it be that facing our desires and acknowledging them is the beginning of tending to the weeds that have hidden the treasure of our soul? Could it be that those desires of wanting MORE is the path to which we will find the one who holds the key?

Making

Ordinary

Reality

Extraordinary